Everybody Worships

Everybody Worships

“Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness." - David Foster Wallace, This is Water

So... I just got back from my trip to The Bahamas. And it was great. And I highly recommend it.

But what also I recommend you do, regarding any traveling you do, is think deeply about your journey and if you learned anything from it. 

I was in the middle of reading The Great Floodgates of the Wonderworld on the plane ride home (If you're into really great non-fiction and memoirs, I highly recommend it - especially if you skate, surf, like punk rock, or find yourself approaching your 30s a bit lost) and I realized that every page of the book resonated with me in some way or another; I was completely connected. And upon closing the book and exiting our plane as we pulled into Philadelphia with that DFW quote above, for some reason or another, barreling through my head, I let out a comforting exhale thinking - oh my god...

I'm free. 

I don't know what it was.
I can't put my finger on it.

Maybe it was the friendly attitude of the Bahamian people.
Maybe it was that spiritual thing that happens when you read something you completely identify with.
Maybe, after years of writing and reading and, well, everything, I've finally reached a point in my life where I'm completely comfortable -

who knows...

But all I know is that yesterday, something happened.
It all clicked.

Long story short, I bought a new car because I was thrown a deal I couldn't pass up (I am now driving a brand new car paying exponentially less than I was paying a week ago for my old car, and I now have free oil changes for life), and the reason why the deal worked out as well as it did was because I, honestly, didn't really want the car. 

Salesman (who is also one of my good friends from high school): What are your needs for this car you want to buy.

Me: Wheels. 

Him: Seriously?

Me: I don't need the car. I just came because I got an email. 

Him *sigh* Well, I guess this should be easy and quick. Most of the time I ask people what their needs are, what they want, you know, so they can choose things they like.
Me: I don't like anything. I just want something better than I have that costs less than what I'm paying. Judging by the email, this can happen. 

Him: I'll be right back. 

Upper-level sales guy approaches: You make this deal, you'll be paying a lot less, but you're going to lose things that your old car had. 

Me: Like what?

Sales guy: Your motorized seats. 

Me: Fine. 

Sales guy: Your back-up camera.

Me: It was making me lazy anyway. 

Sales guy: Your moon roof.

Me:  Just a hole. 

Sales guy: Remote start. 

Me: Forgot I had it. 

Sales guy: Well this is going to be easy then.

Note: Upper level sales guy is one of my dad's buddies. And at no point in time was I trying to be sold something I didn't need. And at no point in time was this ever an aggressive exchange. If you need a Chevy, ask me where to go, because these guys are the best. 

Anywho...

We were all smiling during the entire exchange, and what felt good - great even - was my lack of want; my inability to be sold.

Because all I could think about were the cars lined up and down the streets of Nassau while we were on vacation and how happy everyone was... and as I was looking at the cars on the lot, all I could think about was, "Why... Why do I need any of this?"

I know people who REFUSE to buy certain types of cars or REFUSE to purchase a specific brand of television. I know people who REFUSE to use anything but an iPhone and I know people who scoff at the idea of using one. I know people who will ONLY live in a certain community and who pray to the school district Gods for things like "School Choice." And I know people who'd bleed for a clothing brand while others would give blood just to see that brand burn to the ground...

One of my problems had always been listening to that noise; allowing myself to be sold; paying attention to all of the things that, deep down inside, I never really cared about but did simply because that's what everybody else did. I was conditioned to want... conditioned to worship. 

But at the end of the day, what I realized stepping off of that plane is that I finally have the ability to choose what it is I wish to worship. I can finally say "No." And, at the other end of it, look at something I genuinely believe in and say,"Yes."

Because, much like DFW discusses in This is Water - true happiness comes from having the ability to choose how to feel (though he never was able to master it himself...).

I know that I love my family, and I know that I love writing, and I know that I love weightlifting - and I've decided to worship those things...

With all of that being said, I'm not saying that people are wrong for worshiping other things. If you love your iPhone, great. Marry it. If you love your car - awesome. If you worship a god, fine (unless you kill people in the name of it, because then you're an idiot).

But all I ask is that you take a moment to ask yourself why. you. worship.

Because I never did until recently. 

Funny enough though, for me, for quite some time, the platform had been my alter all along, and, by the looks of it, books like Moby Dick had been my bible. Strangely enough, too, writing frivolously into the middle of the night had been my meditative peace... my prayer. I just didn't realize it.

The only difference between a few weeks ago and, well, now, is that I don't feel wrong or obscure for feeling connected to the things I'm connected to; I don't feel like an outcast or alone.

Because now I feel empowered by my love for them.

And now I'm excited to see how much more these things have to offer me. 

Be well.

And happy worship.

The Poet and The Platform

By the way, if you write, or want to understand a writer, or wish to understand one of the best minds in the graphic novel world, here's an interview with Alan Moore worth watching about worshiping your writing: